HGG Community Forums

Just need a little place to talk not infornt of people and away form family too. Im the person that everything just peachy, to not wreak others joy around me. Some times I must hide away in the bathroom for a few to regrain myself.
Its been little extra hard now that Im not a truck driver. Im stuck in a contorl room and cant leave unless relieved. I must be around people.
I lost my son 4 years ago. Every year just so hard to hear about everyones kids or go to even waltmart sometimes. I have hind that hole in my heart not seeing my son sing in church or hear him Christmas morning. I feel my heart just breaking everytime I think about it. I even moved states away to maybe ease it. Ugh...Not like I wish them not to be happy. Gods know, I never wish this on anyone.
Its not their fault. I wish not to tell them. When someone hears that kinda news they treat you differently. I dont want people to walk on egg shell around me. That would be even worse.
Some of me enjoys hearing about it and the other half is broken over it. I know nothing will ever fill that spot Joe left.
The other thing is we been trying over a year, nothing. I fear never get another chance to be a mom. He doesnt wanna go to a doctor for help. I love to go and atleast see why its not working.
I looked into adopting but it is very pricey. Plus there is a chance you get to meet the babie but never bring them home. My heart could taken that kinda hit.
Im not sure where to go...I gotta lotta love in my heart but no baby to love. I have my horses and my doggies but not the same.
Im hoping one day to open a ranch for abused and troubled kids of all ages and meet them with abused forgettion horses.
God know I wouldn't be here today with my horses. Only reason, I gotten up and living.
But somedays, I do just need to share my load.